SHOP CONFIDENTLY!!!!

Most women jump for joy in the mere thought of going shopping. Buying shoes, dresses, jeans, new tops it’s any girls favorite activity, right? Well at least it’s supposed to be. Ok, so since were all friends here, I will admit that I have be shopping with women much smaller than myself…. Trying to fit in where I didn’t and trying to act like I felt better about my body than I did. I felt like If I associated myself with thinner women then eventually I would be more socially accepted They respected my fashion opinion and I did love to give it. So, I used this as sort of a golden ticket into a group of women I thought I wanted to be like (Not my smartest moment, don’t judge me!) I called them my Barbie dolls, they would often encourage me to pick out different outfits and would tell how good things would look on me or saying, “You can fit this go try it on” and then politely hand over the item in a size XL, REALLY!   On one shopping trip, at a popular nationwide clothing that only carried up to a size XL. I had become particularly aggravated after several suggestions by them to try on outfits that in no way would fit me I began to feel as though, I was the butt of a joke I wasn’t in on. One of the ladies, (who by the way wasn’t even invited on the trip she was a just run in at the mall that never left) soon proved that it was not my imagination. “I can’t understand why you aren’t even picking out anything for yourself, why are you even here! You need to stop acting like that, I mean damn how big are you that nothing in an entire store fits you. something in here has got to fit you." (BIIIIIITTTTTTCCCCHHHHH) was what I thought sounding so loudly in my head, I imagined myself wrapping her ass up in one of those outfits she was holding and dragging her across the floor of that store in its entirety hitting every display case on the way. I had to swallow to bring myself back to reality and not react the way that I felt she wanted I could tell she was trying to get to me. To make matter worse she was no twig herself and the 2 sizes too small undergarment she had unfortunately chose to ware had the top of her back look like it was in the beginning stages of puberty. So, I simply turned around to a rack that was next me as the other girls looked on trying to anticipate what I was going to say or do. Handed her a bra and stated, “This is a C-cup it should fit your back fine.” As the other women exploded with laughter, I then turned around and walked right out of that store. The truth is I was devastated by her comment. Here I was in my 3x size body standing in a store with clothing not made for me surrounded by women who did not look like me and then I had to deal with a person like that.  I reality I wanted to cry and run out of the store but even back then, my backbone wouldn’t let me do it. I spoke up for myself and read her like the Sunday funny paper she was and then I left. Looking back, I wish I could have just left without stooping to her level but I wasn’t at the positive place that I am now and that experience started my journey towards it. As I left the store I thought about all the times that I had purchased all kinds of things that I knew would be to small only to return them the next day. All the times that I had gone into a dressing room and pretended to try on clothes just to be able to participate in the banter that women have while in there. Standing there pretending to love the way things fit, and hoping that nothing tore or a least nobody heard it tear. Looking in the mirror not even seeing the outfit but staring at all the creases and rolls that this insanely tight shirt, skirt or dress is revealing, not fitting around or stretched around them to the point of it becoming see through, and feeling so bad about my body that I would often end up in tears. My insecurity at the time lead me to pretend just to fit in. I did not recognize the patterns and behaviors of my low self-esteem. I had even become somewhat paranoid often thinking that my counter parts where looking at me crazy knowing that I could not fit the items I picked up. Or worrying about what they would think about my double cheese burger or the giant plate of pasta I ordered at dinner that evening. I would put so much time in worrying about what was being thought about me that what was supposed to be a fun day out with the girls often turned out to be an emotionally draining disaster. So, in the grand scheme of things I have come to the realization that I needed to shop for me and only me always, they could watch the style network if they needed help. I have made it my choice to surround myself with people who are pro me. In doing that I have created an entirely new shopping experience for myself. I very much enjoy shopping I love it as a matter of fact. I have learned about my specific body type and I love dressing it. I arm myself with the essentials (undergarments of choice and my measurements) and I hit the boutiques and now I am my own Barbie doll. I have also learned not to allow myself to be effected by other opinions and to be comfortable in ANY shopping environment. Like I previously stated I surround myself with people who are pro me, but that does not mean that I only shop with curvy women, it means that no matter what their size, positivity and encouragement to be daring are now part of the requirements of being invited on a shopping trip with me. Now one thing I can say about shopping with my straight size friends (size 10 and under) I have learned that you shouldn't rule things out things just because of the size on the label. A lot of straight size clothing that may have designed to be worn one way can often be worn another way by us plus size divas If they have enough stretch. For an example, I have many a shirt and skirt in my wardrobe that were once dresses marketed to women of a smaller frame. Silly designer, don’t challenge my curves I call those my Jedi mind trick clothes! So, until next time ladies, don’t just keep it curvy, KEEP IT CONFIDENT!!!!!